REGRETS

It's past 1am and I am absolutely freeezing. A reason I can't sleep is due to the anxiety of my O results which will be known in a few hours time. Though I know I'm stupid and didn't set my priorities straight, I was a naive teenager thinking I was fully aware of what I was doing. Instead of concentrating on my studies, I skived off and started hanging out with my ex. I knew I didn't even really like him in the first place but I admit I am a dumbass who can never find the right guy. In an attempt to find the right guy and being under the heavy influence or romance, I started hanging out more with him rather than focusing more on the things I knew was more important. I used my heart, not my head. That was a mistake I regret until now especially at this point because I'm worried about my results later, knowing I managed it but I could have doe MUCH better than that. Every person who made a dumb mistake would say this- if I could turn back time, etc etc. So would I. If I could have another opportunity to set things straight, I would gladly have asked him to go to hell and studied better. But I obviously has to act like the smartest bitch on Earth and now, I feel like trash. No matter what my result is like, I really hope for the best because I won't be able to take it if I don't do well. Well, tonight has been a superstitious one. Really hope to do well. With good results, I can retrieve myself from the atrocities of my thoughts that I fucking didn't give two hoots about the priorities I had. NOTE-TO-SELF: Always listen to Mom. Speaking of Mom, I miss her cooking now that we are in different countries. Can't wait to see her. I hope what she sees in my result slip is good tomorrow. I just can't disappoint her. Or anyone in my family. And I will show those people who looked down on me that I can do it; anyone can. I am pretty much guessing insomnia got to me.